Imagine for a moment that wealth is like magic. As parents, you are the magicians, holding the secrets to a grand illusion that has the power to awe and inspire. But like any great magic trick, there comes a time when the illusion must be revealed, and the audience—your children—must understand the reality behind the magic. This revelation is not just about lifting the curtain; it’s about preparing them for the responsibilities and opportunities that come with the knowledge of their inheritance.
Many ultrahigh-net-worth (UHNW) families grapple with the question of when and how to disclose the magnitude of their wealth to their heirs. The fear is palpable: Will this knowledge demotivate them? Will it alter their life trajectory? Will it affect their relationships with siblings and peers? These are valid concerns, and they deserve thoughtful consideration as you think through how to plan for an inheritance.
A Lesson in Gradual Revelation
Let’s go back to the magic analogy. Think about a child who believes in magic. The wonder in their eyes, the excitement in their voice—it’s a beautiful thing. But as they grow older, they start to understand that magic is not real. This realization can be jarring if it happens all at once. My own brother, for instance, was furious when he discovered that magic was just an illusion. He felt betrayed because our parents had played along for so long.
Similarly, revealing the extent of your wealth to your children should not be a sudden, dramatic event. It should be a gradual process, akin to planting seeds. These seeds are conversations about values, hard work, and the meaning of money. They are the small, everyday lessons that prepare your children for the big reveal.
The Importance of Early Conversations
One family we spoke with had significant concerns about how their wealth might impact their children’s ambition and career aspirations. They had trusts in place and were facing age-based distributions, but conversations about the wealth had been minimal. They feared that revealing the magnitude of their wealth might lead their children to make frivolous decisions.
To address this, the family engaged in a formal values exercise. They started by understanding their own values and then had their children do the same. This exercise created a safe space for open dialogue, allowing them to express their hopes and fears regarding wealth. By prioritizing values, they were able to frame the conversation in a supportive yet direct manner.
Empowering Through Education
At some point, your heirs will need to come to grips with the magnitude of the family’s assets. Waiting until they gain control is probably too late. Ideally, they should learn to navigate wealth decisions earlier on. This doesn’t mean handing them a ledger with all the family’s assets listed out. It means educating them about financial basics, family history, and the responsibilities that come with wealth. Hands-on learning can be as beneficial as verbal communication. Share your struggles and the obstacles you’ve overcome. This not only humanizes the wealth but also provides valuable lessons that can guide them in their own journey.
As you think through how best to convey these messages, consider questions like:
- What have been the most important successes of your life? What have been the biggest struggles? What did you learn in each?
- What have been the most influential experiences in your life and why?
- How do you define a “good life” or “successful life”?
Families with differing opinions on when and how much wealth to reveal can benefit from family meetings or educational programs. These meetings can equip younger generations with the knowledge they need to make informed decisions. It’s important to agree on what information everyone is comfortable sharing and then consider holding family meetings specific to each branch to educate and communicate beyond the baseline.
Balancing Transparency and Guidance
In our groundbreaking research initiative, Wealth Beyond Measure, we conducted deep, one-on-one interviews with 40 UHNW Bernstein families from every major US region and all corners of the globe. And most acknowledged how important preparing rising generations is to the family’s future success. More than half stressed the need for open communication, while admitting they feel confused and somewhat anxious over the “right way” to do it.
This uncertainty helps explain why some families believe that not disclosing the wealth is the responsible move, thinking it will keep their children on their life trajectory. However, the day of recognition will come, and if they are unprepared, it can be overwhelming. The goal is to make the final reveal a culmination of a long process of education and preparation. This empowers your heirs to make good decisions and feel confident in their stewardship of the family’s wealth.
The Magic of Thoughtful Wealth Disclosure
Revealing the extent of your wealth to your heirs is like performing a magic trick. It requires skill, timing, and a deep understanding of your audience. By planting seeds early on, engaging in values-based conversations, and providing hands-on learning experiences, you can prepare your children for the responsibilities that come with their inheritance. The final reveal should not be a shocking moment but a natural progression of their education and understanding.
During our interviews, families expressed mixed reactions when it came to the rising generation—citing them as both their top concern and their source of greatest excitement—highlighting the push-pull dynamic that makes this topic so emotionally charged. This underscores the importance of thoughtful wealth disclosure. Remember, the magic lies not just in the wealth itself but in the values and lessons you impart along the way. By approaching this sensitive topic with empathy and foresight, you can ensure that your heirs are well prepared to carry on the family legacy.
Need a sounding board? Your Bernstein wealth advisor can help you think through how to prepare kids for an inheritance.
- Aaron Bates
- Head of UHNW & Growth Strategies